Would you forgive?

Jack and Jill are in their late forties, beginning to enjoy more free time for themselves now that the kids are older and doing more things on their own. Despite the economic inflation, they had been putting extra money aside for a cruise; something they had talked about for a long time. Well, one day Jack saw an ad on the work bulletin board for a two-year-old four-wheeler ATV (all-terrain-vehicle) that one of the men in the shop was selling. He had always wanted a four-wheeler since he was a kid, but never seemed to have enough money to purchase one.

Well, what do you know! Even though it was used, the price was right. Without thinking or talking it over with Jill, he went to the bank on his lunch hour, withdrew three thousand dollars from their cruise savings account and bought the four-wheeler. On the next Saturday morning, Jack had it delivered. He was so excited! Guess who else was excited and hit the ceiling when it was delivered? Jill was beyond excited, she was angry. She said to Jack, “Explain yourself! How could you do this without asking me?”  Jack came to his senses and knew that he was in the ‘doghouse.’ In his excitement, he forgot to talk to Jill. A day later, he gingerly approached Jill hoping that she might be more receptive, willing to listen and even forgive him.

On the way home from Sunday Mass, Jack said to Jill, “Honey, you have every right to be angry with me. I did wrong and betrayed your trust. Please forgive me.”

The author of the Book of Sirach wrote: Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight. Anger is defined as an emotional response to a perceived injustice. Jill had every right to be angry. She had so looked forward to a winter cruise with Jack. It would be time to relax and get away from the stress of modern culture that had turned away from the Christian values that had held society together at one time. People were getting very selfish as forces moved the nation from democracy to socialism. Mobs, easily incited, turned to violence hurting persons and property. It seemed that criminals were not held accountable for their actions. Jill was beginning to see a parallel with what Jack had done and what the mobs were doing. She told herself she had every right to be angry. She was mad at Jack, and she was stressed over the violence she encountered in society. What should she do?

Peter approached Jesus and asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times. Jesus is telling us to stop counting and to always forgive. True forgiveness needs to be experienced on three levels: divine, communal, and personal. Today, many have lost moral bearings. Right and wrong have become subjective depending on how one feels now. It is important, actually necessary, for right and wrong to be objective, based on the Law given to us by God. When we sin against each other, we are reminded that God loves to forgive. It is what God does. While dying on the cross, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do. We seek forgiveness from God.

Forgiveness needs to be experienced on the communal level. Evil people in modern society cause confusion as they make moral decisions subjective. Their attitude is “do what you want, it is okay.” Violence will continue to plague society until men and women of good will stand up and say “Enough is enough! Let us search for agreement on morals that are based on justice.” When this is achieved, forgiveness will bring peace.

Forgiveness needs to be experienced on the personal level as well. Jesus told Peter a story about an unforgiving servant. The king forgave a very large debt of a servant who pleaded with the king for mercy. The motive for forgiveness is compassion. However, that very same servant refused the pleadings of a fellow servant who owed him a rather small amount of money and could probably repay him if given time. Unfortunately, the servant showed no compassion whatsoever and had the debtor put into prison. The king, having been informed about his servant’s behavior, was immediately overcome with anger. The king revoked his compassionate decision and had the first servant jailed and tortured until he paid the debt. The point Jesus made in the story is fraternal forgiveness. He said, So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart. When we have sinned in anger, we have sinned not only against the neighbor but also against God and the community. We must seek forgiveness from both.

Saint Paul wrote to the Romans, telling them None of us lives for oneself, and no one dies for oneself. For it we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord: so then, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. Essentially what Paul is telling us is that when we have sinned in anger, we have sinned not only against the neighbor, but also against God. Jesus tells us that we will be punished by our heavenly Father unless we forgive each other from the heart. Jesus’s law of love embraces not only forgiveness but also mercy and compassion. This must be the focus of Christian life. So, Jill needs to forgive Jack and find a true reconciliation and resolution to his thoughtless and selfish action in buying the ATV.

Finally, what is more difficult, but, equally as important, is forgiveness of oneself. Unresolved guilt and shame will cripple the sinner. Guilt is an emotional experience that occurs when one realizes that standards of conduct have been compromised; and significant responsibility for that violation must be assumed. Feelings of guilt and shame serve to move one to action. Jack must seek forgiveness from his wife and from God. Jack must also forgive himself. Sacramental confession and acknowledgment of the anger or pain caused another will help resolve shame and guilt. O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee and I detest all my sins. Divine forgiveness and forgiveness from the neighbor are complete when one forgives self while seeking forgiveness from the offended. Peace will come when injustice is resolved through forgiveness. We are called to forgive seventy-seven times, that is always!